And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul; to join with you in prayer and other holy exercises; to watch over you and tell you of your sins and dangers, and to stir up in you the grace of God, and remember to you of the life to come, and cheerfully accompany you in the ways of holiness.Richard Baxter,A Christian Directoiy: or, Sum ofPractical7heology, and Cases of Conscience, 11.1 (7he Practical Works of the Rev. Richard Baxter [London: James Duncan, 1830], IV, 30).
I take occasion to make the general remark that the great thing I always desired to find was a woman who was a real Christian, who was a real lady, and who was not a fool.AutoBiography (73)
In 1950 the average age at marriage was twenty for women and twenty-two for men; by 2019 those numbers rose to twenty-eight for women and thirty for men.Remarriage in Early Christianity, Eerdmans, 7
Marriage is called a yoke, too heavy for one alone to bear; therefore, each had a mutual help, a wife. In the participation of good, compassion of evil, in health the best delight, in sickness the best comfort; the sole companion to whom we may communicate our joys and into whose bosom we unload our sorrows. Thus are our griefs lessened, our joys enlarged, our hearts solaced.
Headship is the divine calling of a husband to take
primary responsibility for Christlike servant-leadership, protection, and provision in the home.
Submission is the divine calling of a wife to honor
and affirm her husband's leadership, and help carry it
through according to her gifts.
A wife takes sanctuary not only in her husband's house but in his heart. The tree of love should grow up in the family as the tree of life grew up in the garden. They that choose their love should love their choice. They that marry where they affect not will affect where they marry not. Two joined together without love are but two tied together to make one another miserable.
Marry neither only or chiefly for beauty, by the eye; nor for honor, by the ear; nor for money or wealth, by the hand; but find out a meet helper, a suitable yoke fellow, one whom you are sure you shall love because you do love her, and that too for her virtues and qualifications, so decently lodged, that you cannot but be pleased to dwell with them. To conclude this particular about the choice of a wife and conversation with a wife, let me mind you what wisdom itself advises—namely, to marry in the Lord.
As for the qualifications of a husband or wife, I would advise all to look at true religion in the first place, that those that marry may be said to marry in the Lord. Next to religion, I should commend a suitable disposition and a conformity in manners, that man and wife may delight in the society and converse one of another. And as I would not have a man or woman marry merely or chiefly by their eyes or fancies, so neither would I advise a marriage betwixt those that have an averseness or antipathy at first sight each to other.
As two pieces of iron cannot be soundly soldered together but by beating and heating them both together in the fire, so neither can Christ and His brethren be so nearly united and fast affected but by fellowship in His sufferings.Saint\'s Nosegay, 107
Wicked men in affliction are like iron, which while in the first it melts, but after it hath been a while out, it grows stiff again.Saint\'s Nosegay, 83
The Puritan ethic of marriage was first to look not for a partner whom you do love passionately at this moment but rather for one whom you can love steadily as your best friend for life, then to proceed with God's help to do just that.
cross words aren't an indication of a bad marriage. They're an indication that the marriage is between two sinners. Also that there are times when we have to work things through in such a way that we get messy.Daddy Tried, 187
Marriage is more than your love for each other. . . . In your love you see only the heaven of your own happiness, but in marriage you are placed at a post of responsibility towards the world and mankind. Your love is your own private possession, but marriage is more than something personal - it is a status, and office. Just as it is the crown, and not merely the will to rule, that makes the king, so it is marriage, and not merely your love for each other, that joins you together in the sight of God and man.Letters and papers from Prison
The only way for you to be truly free is to link your feeling to an obligation. Only if you commit yourself to loving in action, day in and day out, even when feelings and circumstances are in flux, can you truly be a free individual and not a pawn of outside forces. Also, only if you maintain your love for someone when it is not thrilling can you be said to be actually loving a person.Meaning of Marriage (97)
When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him-or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.Meaning of Marriage (95)
In so many cases, when one person says to another, 'I love you, but lets not ruin it by getting married,' that person really means, 'I don't love you enough to close off all my options. I don't love you enough to give myself to you that thoroughly.' To say, 'I dont need a piece of paper to love you' is basically to say, 'My love for you has not reached the marriage level.'Meaning of Marriage (78)
So what do you need to make marriage work? You need to know the secret, the gospel, and how it gives you both the power and pattern for your marriage. On the one hand, the experience of marriage will unveil the beauty and depths of the gospel to you. It will drive you further into reliance on it. On the other hand, a greater understanding of the gospel will help you experience deeper and deeper union with each other as the years go on.Meaning ofMarriage 47-48
If our views of marriage are too romantic and idealistic, we underestimate the influence of sin on human life. if they are too preparing and cynical, we misunderstand marriages divine origin. If we somehow manage, as our modern culture has, to do both at once, we are doubly burdened by a distorted vision. Yet the trouble is not within the institution of marriage but within ourselves. meaning of marriage 44